My Reasons

I have recently become very passionate about bereavement items that can be donated to local hospitals.  These items can be given to grieving families when they suffer a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss.

The items include (but are not limited to):

tiny diapers

outfits for boys

dresses for girls
matching mother/baby bracelets
tiny stuffed animals

hats

blankets (size appropriate)

memory boxes

So, onto why.  Let me tell you about myself.

 Sean and I got married back in June 2001.  We were very excited to be expecting our first baby a few months later.  The excitement continued when we found out at 20 weeks that we were going to have a BOY!  Now, this might not seem too big of a deal, but for us it was.  Both Sean and I came from families of 9 children, and out of the 18 children only 6 are boys.  But, more specifically, I grew up with only 1 brother and 7 sisters.  And at this point in time, all the grandchildren on my side were girls.  So, we were absolutely thrilled to be having a boy.  We soon picked out his name: Nicholas, named from Sean's middle name.  Things were progressing well and there were no concerns.  Until I was about 32 weeks, I started to go into labor.  It was stopped, but it started up again about a week later.  I was put on bed rest and was given medicine to take every 4 hours to keep the contractions from coming back.  The doctor wanted to see me in the office a few days later.  When I went to the appointment, the doctor could not find Nicholas' heart beat.  He confirmed through ultrasound that our baby had passed away.  We were heart broken!  Numbly, we went to the hospital to be induced.  Nicholas was stillborn on May 8, 2002.  It was a very difficult time.  But, we were blessed to have wonderful people at the hospital that took good care of us.  They encouraged us to take pictures.  They dressed Nicholas.  They took the professional hospital pictures of him that they gave to us at no cost.  They gave us a memory box.  They not only took great care of us and handled the situation with great sensitivity, but they took great care of Nicholas.  My family really did so much for us as well.  They showed great kindness and compassion in a very, very difficult time.  We had a viewing and a graveside service for Nicholas.  All of which brought me comfort and closure, although it didn't remove the pain for losing my baby.

A few months later, Sean and I were able to get pregnant again.  I started having problems early on.  I had an appointment at about 7 weeks after going to the hospital for bleeding.  But everything looked fine.  We were able to see the baby on ultrasound and see a strong heartbeat.  And they just told me to take it easy.  The next few weeks uneventfully passed by, until my 11 week appointment.  No heartbeat could be found, and ultrasound confirmed that our baby had passed away.  But, measurements showed that it had happened some time ago.  I was 11 weeks, but the baby was only measuring 7 1/2 weeks.  We were heading out of town to spend Christmas with family in Kentucky.  We didn't want anything to happen while we were out of town, so Sean and I decided that I should have a D&C and make sure all was well with me physically before we left town.  The procedure was done in the doctors office, and I was left empty handed and, once again, with a broken heart.

The next 6 years passed with many, great blessings.  Our sweet, curious Russell was born healthy and strong in December 2003.  Our determined, lovable Bradley joined us 19 months later in August 2005.  Our sweet, sassy Samantha was born 22 months later at home (by accident) and delivered by Sean in June 2007.  And our sweet, yet stubborn SJ was born a short 17 months later in November 2008.  Out lives have been full of the ups and downs that come with having children so close together.  But, it has been wonderful to have our home full of noise and love!

The time came this past year that we were ready to add to our family again.  Shortly after SJ's 3rd birthday, we got a positive pregnancy test.  I was so, so excited; looking forward in every way to having a new baby in our house!  We announced it to family at Christmas time, and started telling friends when I passed the 1st trimester mark.  Everything seemed to be going great!  I got an ultrasound at my first appointment and got to take ultrasound pictures home.  My next appointment at 13 weeks was a little nerve wracking.  After searching for a long time, the doctor finally found a faint heart beat.  He sent me in for an ultrasound just for a quick check.  It was a tender mercy to see my baby one last time; alive and well.  And it was so amazing to see how much my baby had grown in the last 4 weeks.  Again, the next 4 weeks passed by uneventfully.  I went in for my routine appointment on February 22.  It was supposed to be routine, so I went alone and left the kiddos home with Sean.  Once again, the appointment turned nerve wracking.  The doctor searched and searched and searched for the heartbeat.  He just couldn't find it.  So, he sent me in for an ultrasound again.  Unfortunately, it confirmed that our baby had passed away.  I went in the next day to be induced.  We didn't know the gender until the baby was delivered.  We learned I had been carrying another sweet baby boy and we lost him due to a cord accident.  He had a knot in his cord and it was wrapped around his neck twice.  We named him Moroni.  As with Nicholas, the hospital was so sensitive to the situation and took great care of us.  I will forever be grateful to Cecelia, our nurse who treated Moroni with the utmost respect.  She took pictures, foot prints, hand prints, and dressed him in white.  She put together a memory box for us as well.

After losing another baby, I feel like there is a fire lit within me, and I HAVE to do something!  I also have family members that have lost babies through early miscarriage, late miscarriage and stillbirth.  I want to do this in honor of all of our angel babies!!

I want to be able to bring comfort to the broken hearts of others who lose their babies.  I want those families to know that these gifts were created from our hearts to give to their hearts.  I was blessed in my loss to have comfort brought to me because of the generosity and service of others.  It is time that I pay it forward!