Nicholas

Taken from my Journal

 8 May 2002

(actually 9 May 2002 12:10am)

 

Today has been a long day.  We woke up at about 7:30 so Sean could donate plasma at 8.  But, it wasn't open until 10.  We went back home to wait for my 9 o'clock doctor appointment.  Well, time came and we headed to the appointment.  Dr. Barton was looking for the baby's heartbeat, but he couldn't find it.  We were directed to another room for an ultrasound.  The baby was not moving and there was no heartbeat or heart movement.  Dr. Barton told us that the baby had passed away.

It was really hard to hear that.  He checked me and I was dilated to a 5 or 6 and I was 100% effaced.  Sean took me to the hospital and I was prepared to give birth.  They put me on pitocin to speed it up and later I asked for an epidural.

It was hard to think that I was going to give birth to my baby and he wouldn't be alive.

I came into the hospital at 10:00 am and Nicholas Gardner Storms was born at 3:36 pm.  He was so beautiful!  He looked so peaceful!  Dr. Barton said that he had passed away at least 24 hours ago because his skin was tearing in a few places.  The staff was wonderful.  Taking care to clean him and dress him.  Then they left Sean and me alone to spend time with our sweet baby boy.

He is so precious!  He only weighed 3 lbs 10 oz.  So small!

My parents came up from Utah and arrived at the hospital about 10-15 minutes after Nicholas was delivered.  Sean and I had called our families to let them know when we had first arrived at the hospital.

We got to spend around 3 hours with our sweet baby boy.  We are going to have a memorial service in Springville on Monday.  Mom said they have a plot of land in Evergreen Cemetery near Grandpa Beardall.  So, Nicholas will be buried there.

Mom and Dad took Nicholas back to Utah with them so he could be embalmed.  I want to see my baby boy again.  It is really hard right now.  I am so thankful for Sean!  He is so wonderful!  I am so thankful for the blessings of the temple.  Sean and I will get to be with our baby boy again.  I know that Nicholas is in a happy place with our Heavenly Father.

I guess that is all for now.  I really should get some sleep.  It's been a hard day.

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20 May 2002

 

I has been an interesting and busy week and a half.  We went to Utah from Friday to Wednesday.  We had a viewing and graveside service on Monday for Nicholas.  It was really nice.  Sean and I got to dress Nicholas in a beautiful white outfit.  It was nice to hold him again.  I miss my sweet baby so much, but it is so comforting to know he is with Heavenly Father.  He is such a precious little boy!

Sean an I learned today why Nicholas died.  He had Down Syndrome.  The doctor guesses that it was so severe that he died from the complications that come along with Downs.  It seems to make it a little easier to know why he died.  I know it was part of Heavenly Father's plan and my sweet Nicholas only needed to come to this earth to gain a body and that's all!

Everyone in our families were able to come to the funeral.  It was really nice to be with family.  I am blessed to have such a wonderful family!

I am so thankful for the gospel!  It is such a blessing!  I know this is the true church!  We look forward to the day that we will get to see our baby boy Nicholas again.