I have felt the need to share my experience I had when I miscarried my 2nd baby. I think the best way to tell my story is to quote my journal.
"21 December 2002 Saturday 3:38pm
"Well... the semester is over and we are done with school for a couple of weeks. It is nice to have a break.
"Life is so interesting and unexpected. On November 21, I went to the hospital because I was bleeding. They sent me home with an appointment made for the morning at 8:30am with my doctor. At that appointment, everything was pretty good. We saw the baby's heartbeat. It was really neat. Well, my 2nd appointment was yesterday at 11:30am. The doctor couldn't find the heartbeat this time. So, he did a regular ultrasound and couldn't see anything. So he did a trans-vaginal ultrasound and he could see the baby, but no heartbeat. The baby was the size of a 7 1/2 week fetus, but I should have been 11 weeks along. So, the baby passed away a while ago. It seems so strange. I haven't started bleeding anymore. Maybe it's in my head that I want this baby so badly, that my body just won't let it go. I don't know. I have another appointment on Monday the 23rd at 8am to do a D&C.
"I don't really know what to say. I never would have thought that Sean and I would lose two babies in one year. I know that Heavenly Father is letting things happen how they are supposed to but I wonder how much pain like this I can handle. I am almost afraid to get pregnant again because it seems so unreal to be able to get pregnant and have a baby to keep in the end. We are planning to try again in a couple of months. I want children here on this earth so badly! I know that Heavenly Father knows that, but I guess I just need to know that there is a plan for Sean and me and Heavenly Father will take care of us."
Oh Sara! So pure and emotional! I can't ever possibly know what it was like for you during this time, but I admire your faith! Loves.
ReplyDeleteI remember when you came to Utah after that miscarriage for Christmas. During your visit I was in the laundry room and we were talking and you turned to me and asked, "Mom, what am I doing wrong?"
ReplyDeleteI took you in my arms and embraced you and assured you that it was nothing you were doing at all. Heavenly Father had a plan and though we didn't understand it, it would all work out. I promised you that you would have a housefull of children but that it would just be in the Lord's own time. You needed to be a mother to angels and indeed you are. Sara, you are loved.