I have always been very excited to let people know when I am expecting a baby. I have usually told my family and close friends right away (my mom being second to know, after Sean). But, as far as telling other people, I have usually waited to pass the first trimester before officially telling people. And, with Moroni, I did wait later than I usually do to tell people. I'm not really sure why I waited longer. Maybe because it had been so long since I had been pregnant. And I think there were some people in my ward and some people I worked with that didn't even know I was pregnant, until they heard that we had lost Moroni. And I was 17 weeks.
I know that most people wait until they are past the 1st trimester to tell people. Since the risk of miscarriage goes down, they feel 'safe' to tell people.
But, I've been thinking. Why should we wait to share our good news? I am not sure why this is hitting me so hard right now. But, why should we wait to tell people just because we fear we my lose the baby?
For me, the baby is a baby, and already loved, from the moment we learn we are pregnant. So, why does it seem (to me) that it is slightly frowned upon (by society) to tell people you are expecting right away?
While each loss was different, I grieved the loss of Nicholas, my miscarriage, and Moroni. And my family and close friends have been there to support me through each loss. I loved each baby, and I still wonder what could have been.
So, why don't we tell people, and have a bigger support system if we do experience loss?
Why don't we tell people early on and have more family and friends there on the journey?
Why do I feel like our society thinks it is inappropriate to announce your pregnancy as soon as you find out? Maybe that is more of a personal feeling. I don't know. Any thoughts?
Anyway, just some thoughts I had on my mind.
I am always ready to tell people, but also like to have that certainty. I am not sure if is because society does it or if it just for my own feelings. Even though I do not tell right away, with my two miscarriages I still had support. But I agree it should be something to share right away, so that the joys and if it happens be the sorrow may be shared by many and so that we may all be uplifted but it.
ReplyDeleteThank You Sara for sharing this thought, it has made me think.
You bring up a good point...but for me I was nervous! It had been 9 years since I was pregnant and I had problems the first time, I expected problems this time too. I am a gravida 6 para 2, meaning I have had 6 pregnancies, but only 2 resulting in live births...I was REALLY nervous this time around...Luckily I didn't have them and Jackson was born full term and healthy.
ReplyDeleteWe waited until I was 12 weeks because I was afraid. I knew my family would be excited and I wanted to make certain that it stayed that way...flawed thinking I know, but that was my thought. The more people knew the more sad and disappointed they would be if I happened to lose the baby. I guess I figured it would be easier just in case. Plus I have some real judgmental family members and the less I heard from them the better...and I don't like pity...
I guess maybe I am a little selfish too...I liked having a secret just between my husband and me...we didn't even tell our kids. They all found out at the same time at the same family party...
I do see your point though, that is awesome if you have a bigger support network!
I am not sure why we have always waited to tell.
ReplyDeleteLike Rosalie said, I don't like pity.
I think I would have a hard time having attenton if something did go wrong. I don't know how to react to that sympathy....if that makes sense.
I have never had a miscarriage, so I don't know what I would feel in that situation.
I am not sure I would say that society thinks it is inappropriate to announce early, but I haven't announced early so have never heard anyone say anything to me about it.
I think differnt things work for different people.
If I was to have another baby, I know I still wouldn't announce it any earlier than 12 weeks.
Just our personal preferance.
I think the world needs to just let people be who they are. We need to stop worrying about how others are living their lives and focus on that way we are living our own lives.
Does that make sense???
Yes, Kim, I understand what you are saying. I hope I didn't come across wrong. I don't think it is right for everyone to announce immediately. I do believe everyone should make their own choice on when they announce their pregnancy. Just as everything in life, I guess. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope no one pities me for the losses I have suffered. I don't want to be pitied. But, I have really appreciated having a large support system to cope with the loss of my babies.
Rose, I completely understand the secret thing. That is something very special between husband and wife.
I guess, in my experience and from what I've seen, there does seem to be a stigma that goes along with people who announce their pregnancies early on. But, that is just my opinion.
I am not sure if 'pity' is the right word. I don;t know how to explain it better....but no, I don't pity your losses. It makes me sad you had to deal with that. But it makes me proud for the way you have dealt with everything that has been thrown at you in this life.
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